For the Best
by AnotherNamelessAuthor
Summary: "Oh for Merlin's sake Prongs, she's bloody pregnant."  James' eyes, which had drifted to look at Sirius, immediately snapped back to staring at me, growing wider.   "She's having the first mini marauder. That's why she did her disappearing act on you."
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter One**

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I took a deep breath trying to suppress the overwhelming sensation I was feeling to vomit, again. Oh Merlin this could not be happening. What the hell was I meant to do now? I felt someone laying a hand on my shoulder and glanced up to see Healer Grey standing in front of me.

"Are you ok my dear?" the old lady asked.

"Yes, just in shock." I replied nodding. Shock was one hell of an understatement.

"That's understandable my dear." The healer told me with a comforting smile on her face. "But you have nothing to worry about. You're doing quite nicely at the moment, so there is no need to worry about past concerns. What you need now is to go home, have a bar of honeydukes finest and get that charming man of yours to pamper you. I'm sure he'll be over the moon when you tell him everything. I know his mother definitely will be." She still had that comforting smile on her face. But it wasn't helping much. My stomach was churning like anything, and my head felt like splitting with all the facts of the situation going through it. Merlin I hope I am having some massive nightmare and wake up soon. Please say this isn't happening!

Thanking Healer Grey I walked out of St. Mungo and in the direction of home. I would have apparated but I was guessing in my condition it wouldn't be the best idea, plus it was only a twenty minute walk. I wondered whether James would be in when I got back or if he was still at work. I really hoped it was the latter. I fancied a good cry and to devour all the ice cream when I got in. Seeing me do this would undoubtedly alert him to something being wrong and I don't think I'm ready to have that conversation yet.

As I pushed open the front door I could hear voices talking. It was probably James with one of the other Marauders. Damn now I would have to act like nothing had happened. I'm a crap actress. I was on the verge of opening the door to the lounge when I overheard some of what the two were saying.

"So you're off the hook then? Sophie isn't pregnant?" That was James' voice.

"Yup totally off the hook, she isn't pregnant in the slightest, probably just making it up to get me to hang about if you ask me. I mean what is it about a simple one night stand that girls don't seem to get?" ah the ever romantic Sirius Black.

"Could have. Merlin knows what I would do if Lils got pregnant." Without being able to see him I could tell he was ruffling his hair in that manner he always did when talking about something serious.

"Don't have to worry about that. She's not stupid enough to let herself, especially knowing what all the Healers said to her after the attack." I could tell Sirius was trying to ease James' worry, but he had said the wrong thing. James always goes funny when people mention the attack. For some stupid reason he blames himself, which is ridiculous. It's not like he was the one who did it. In fact he was the one who saved me, and then looked after me till I was ok again.

"Yeah I guess you're right" I barely heard James mumble. "I mean she wouldn't endanger herself like that. Plus there's a war going on and who the hell would be stupid enough to bring a child into this world now. If me and Lily ever decide to have kids, it will be when this war is long over. I won't agree to have kids before then I mean that's just irresponsible parenting from the start! No way are children on the cards!" I felt like someone had taken a cricket bat and swung it full force into my stomach. I knew James wasn't keen on having children now because of the war and all, but didn't know he was so adamant. I stood there trying to process all the things James had just said when something Sirius said caught my attention.

"Could you imagine if Lily was though? Your mum would make you marry her by the end of the week. Plus you would have to choice between being an Auror and the Order. No way you could do both and be around to look after Lily and Prongs Junior. Merlin it would be hell! You've seen how it's affecting Alice and Frank."

Sirius' words made me feel like someone have taken a second swing at me with that cricket bat. I moved towards the stairs and ran up them fling myself onto my bed as soon as I reached it. Merlin what the hell have I done? How the hell could I have let this happen? There was no way I could tell James now, not after hearing him and Sirius. Merlin in one stupid move I have ruined James' life. If I told him, the poor guy would be forced to marry me and give up on either his dream job or the Order. I couldn't do any of that to him. Merlin I'm a crap girlfriend. How the hell could I not take my poison that one time and think it would all be ok? Now I have to look him in the eye and be all "So James, you're going to be a dad. I'm pregnant!" He's going to love that!

I don't know how long I lay there wallowing in my own self pity, but if you ask me it wasn't long enough. It was James entering the bedroom that finally stirred me. He obviously knew something was up with me as he didn't say a word when he sat down beside me and gathered me in his arms. I couldn't help it, this made me cry more. Great start at pretending nothings up!

After about ten minutes when my highly attractive sobs had pretty much subsided James started questioning me.

"Lils, babe what's wrong?" He had that really cute concerned look on his face. How am I meant to tell him I've screwed up his life when he looks like that? I don't want to see the pain and rejection in his face when I tell him, so I lied.

"Nothing, it's just stuff at work." I work in the Department of Mysteries as an Unspeakable, therefore I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about the projects I was working on. Not even James. He knew I couldn't tell him therefore it was always a good way to get out of telling him things.

"Oh ok. Erm... anything I can do for you?" See it confuses him, he doesn't know how to react. I sat up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"No, I'll be ok James, don't you worry." I gave him a weak smile. "Just lie with me and hug me yeah?" I asked. I really needed to have him hold me right now. He gave me that adorable smile he saves just for me, pulled my hair out of my face, kissed my nose, and pulled me in to a tight hug. I felt so safe.

I must have fallen asleep because next thing I know I'm waking up in an empty bed. James was nowhere to be seen, but a piece of parchment with his scrawl on it was. I picked it up and read it.

_Lils,_

_I had to go do something for Dumbledore, something about Frank and Alice being in danger as their baby is due in July. I'm hoping it's just a miscommunication or something. Anyway I'll be back as soon as possible._

_I hope you're feeling better then you were earlier._

_I love you,_

_James._

I reread the letter. Frank and Alice were in danger because their baby is due in July? Merlin how horrible! I couldn't ever imagine how that must feel. I mean I'm so lucky I'm due... Oh crap! Merlin I'm due the end of July! Great now I've put James in even more danger. Like he wasn't in enough with me being a muggleborn! How could I be so irresponsible? It was then I made my choice.

I climbed out of bed, grabbed my old Hogwarts trunk and began chucking in all my clothes and possessions. I couldn't put James through all of this. So my only option left was to leave. That way he could go find someone who wouldn't ruin his life like I would.

I wrote him a note to tell him I had gone. I owned him that much. It just reads;

_James,_

_I'm so sorry. I'm a crap girlfriend and you deserve so much more. Don't come looking for me. This is for the best._

_I love you,_

_Lily._

It was short and to the point. I took off the necklace he had given me back at Hogwarts. It felt strange not having it around my neck. I could feel more tears threatening to fall so I levitated my trunk and left the flat.

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**AN - For all those who like Rebound I promise it will be updated in the next day or so. This is just a new story that I've been thinking of for ages. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter Two**

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It wasn't until I had shut the front door that I realised I had nowhere to go. The only family I have is my ever delightful sister Petunia, and she happens to have disowned me a few years ago. As for my friends? Well I'm pretty sure if I turned up at one of their houses at Merlin knows what time in the morning, they would ask a hell of a lot of questions. And quite frankly with the state I'm in, might actually likely to answer those questions, which would in no way be good or beneficial. I could tell you now that they would be all for me going back to James and telling him the truth. They would say it would all be ok and that I'm being stupid by leaving him.

The problem is I know it's not true. Even if by some miracle James was all happy and excited about being a dad, the fact still remains that we are in the middle of a war. A war where the pureblood James Potter is already a target for numerous things, like being an Auror, being an Order member, having a muggleborn girlfriend. If you were to add having a half-blood child into the equation I might as we write his eulogy now.

Don't get me wrong it's not like I'm planning on having an abortion or anything. Merlin I could never do that! I'm just planning on taking myself and this child out of the mix. I plan on fading into the background, becoming someone unimportant, someone easy to overlook. I figure doing that is less suspicious then if I just up and left completely. If I did that I know I would have people from both sides chasing me down. But this way I can just convince people I fell out of love with James, use some well placed concealment charms so no one figures out I'm pregnant and when I have the baby... well I guess I can figure out that bit later. My way might seem stupid to everyone I know, but this way James won't get hurt, or worse killed.

I couldn't just stand there outside what was now my old home, in case James got back. So I went to the first place I could think of, the Leaky Cauldron. I'm still not sure whether I can apparate of not so I figured the safest option was to walk to the local taxi station to get a taxi over to Charing Cross. Not that I don't trust the Knight Bus, but my gag reflex has already been tested to its limits today already. I was pretty lucky Tom barman was still up and had a room available. I was so grateful he didn't ask questions about my sudden appearance and even more so he didn't ask any when I told him not to tell anyone I was staying here, or that he had even seen me. If anyone knew where I was James would be banging on my room door within ten minutes.

I had a crap night's sleep, which I guess was to be expected. I dreamt that James had found out I was pregnant and was chasing me across a quidditich pitch screaming at me to give him his baby. It then switched to me sitting in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts listening to him tell me I was irresponsible and didn't deserve a child. Next I was lying in St. Mungos with a miniature James in my arms, but someone came and took him away telling me I wasn't good enough to be its mother. After this the scene flipped to me placing a baby in a crib, then a high cackle and a flash of green light. I woke up drenched in sweat, shivering, with tears streaming down my face. I curled into a ball and pull the covers tight around me. I couldn't get over the fact that in my dreams everyone was trying to take away the baby.

I lay there for what felt like hours trying to go back to sleep. Just as I felt like I was making progress I felt that urge which was becoming only too familiar, the need to vomit. I crawled out of bed and made my way towards the toilet. It was a good half an hour before I felt anywhere near ready to move, but unfortunately I needed to go find a new flat so forced myself up and into the shower. It took me forever to get ready and dressed, I just didn't have the energy. Whether that was due to being pregnant or the fact finding my own place seemed to finalise everything being over between me and James I'm not sure.

Winter has never been my favourite season, but for once I was glad for the cold weather outside making it necessary to wear a thick cloak, it made sneaking out of the pub and into Diagon Alley without being noticed much easier. Once in Diagon Alley I made to the estate agents who had helped me and James find our current flat. I was fortunate that they had one flat available to show me right away, although from the tone of the estate agents voice I figured there had to be something terribly wrong with it, but they say beggars can't be choosers.

Arriving at the place I could see why the estate agent was desperate to get rid of it. It wasn't exactly the nicest place on the market. It appeared the previous occupied had thought themselves a bit of a poisons expert, however the scorch marks on the ceiling and burned carpet seemed to say otherwise. Apart from that it wasn't too bad. I mean the area wasn't great, it didn't have a garden, there was only the one bedroom and the place needed a serious clean, but all of this can be overlooked. Or at least that is what I was telling myself twenty minutes later when I was signing the lease. Like I said beggars can't be choosers and living in the Leaky Cauldron would make it too easy for James to find me, and somehow use that adorable smile of his to charm me into going back to him, which I couldn't let happen.

That afternoon I met my best mate Alice for ice cream. Yes I'm fully aware it is the middle of winter and that Christmas is only two weeks away, but it's one of our traditions to meet for ice cream every Saturday at Florence's. As I approached the ice cream parlour I realised how much of an idiot I had been. There sitting at our usual table was Alice, however she wasn't alone. With her were Sirius Black and the guy who I am desperately in love me, and who is father to the child he doesn't know I am carrying, James Potter.

I turned quickly planning on walking away before any of them could see me. Only it turns out I was too late as moments later I felt a hand on my arm turning me around. I purposefully kept my eyes down putting all my will power into not looking up into those hazel eyes which I knew where looking down on me. James said my name softly as he put a finger under my chin and raised it trying to get me to look at him, but I wasn't having it. I know from past experience that one look into his eyes, one look at the hurt and painful expression, I was certain he was wearing, that I would do anything he asked. However I also knew that this time I couldn't let it happen.

Before he could say or do anything else I summoned all my energy and willpower, fixed my gaze upon him and said with as much indifference as I could;

"I don't love you James Potter. I don't love you, I don't need you, and I don't want you. Now please leave me alone. It's for the best."

I pulled my arm out of his grip and ran. I'm assuming what I said shocked him so much he couldn't move, as he didn't come after me. Good that's what I wanted. Facing James was too hard. Even in that split second of looking into his eyes and seeing the misery mixed with pain and confusion, I wanted to tell him everything and go back to him. But I know I can't do that, it would be like signing his death warrant.

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**AN - Thank you everyone who has reviewed so far as well as those who have added it to your alerts and favourite. I hope you like this chapter just as much. Please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter Three**

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I shut the door of my room in the Leaky Cauldron behind me and slid now it. My whole body started to shake as I broke down sobbing. I hadn't really cried at all since finding out I was pregnant. Vomited? Yes. Scream? Yes. Swore? Most definitely. But cried? No, not really. Sure there had been tears, but I hadn't properly let it all out. I guess that was because it hadn't seemed real. I know that sounds stupid, but up until I had faced James and told him it was over, I had sort of been in denial, hoping it was all some fucked up dream, some sadistic nightmare. Now, seeing James' face as I told him it was over? Now it suddenly seemed real. It suddenly all seemed final. I AM having James' baby.

I felt so exhausted even though it was still early. I felt completely drained, like all my energy had been sucked out of me. It took me a good half an hour to even sum up the energy to move my way over to the bed. Even then I just climbed under the covers not bothering to get changed. My eyes were so heavy, that I fell asleep almost instantly.

My dreams were as haunted as the night before. I woke up again with tears down my face and drenched in sweat. I stripped off my clothes so I was just in my underwear and tried to get back to sleep. It was impossible though. Every time I felt I was going to drift off I heard a high cackle and a flash of green light. Figuring it was no use I decided I might as well do something productive. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to shower. However before I could get into it I felt that now overly familiar sensation of needing to vomit. Brilliant! It was an hour of hugging the toilet before I was finally able to start getting ready for the day. Morning sickness is a bitch, I've decided.

By midday I had moved everything into my new flat. I guess that was the best thing about it. That no one else wanted it so I could move in straight away. I spent the rest of the day unpacking everything and cleaning up the place. Next thing I knew it was getting late and I was ready to collapse. So I did the logical thing and climbed into bed.

I laid there for a while thinking about things. I had hardly thought about my "situation" all day, as moving had kept me so busy, but now lying in the dark of my new room it came flooding back. Merlin I missed James. I even missed his snoring and tendency to leave the toilet seat up. My new place just seemed too quiet.

Once again I had a shit night's sleep with haunted dreams and woke up to run straight into the arms of my new best friend, the toilet. After a while of getting to know my new toilet better I managed to sum up the energy to get dressed. Being a Monday I had to go work. Work meant I would be in the same building as James, which meant I might see him. Crossing my fingers that I wouldn't I left for the Ministry.

It took me forever to get there. This was mainly as I travelled the muggle way, what with still being unsure about the whole apparition while being pregnant thing. I entered through the visitor's entrance and hastily made my way toward to lifts desperately hoping I wouldn't see a certain person. As I exited the lift it seemed that luck was on my side. Or at least that's what I thought.

"Lily Marie Evans do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

A seriously pissed off Alice was standing by the entrance to the Department of Mysteries waiting for me. Too be honest I couldn't blame her. I had bailed on her yesterday with no explanation. Also judging by the fact she had been with James she knew we had broken up, and that I hadn't told her anything about it.

"Erm... Hi Alice." I muttered. From years of experience I know that it is not worth trying to distract her from the subject by asking pointless questions like, "_how are you?"_ She would only yell louder and I really don't fancy having the whole Ministry knowing my business.

"Don't you _Hi Alice_ me! I want an explanation as to _why_ you legged it yesterday. I want to know why the hell I had a distort James asking me what he did wrong to have you leave. And most of all _Lily Marie_ I want to know what the fuck happened to make you leave!" She was seriously mad at me and I didn't blame her. We have always told each other everything. It is an unwritten rule between us that nothing goes unsaid. I had definitely broken this rule, but I was not going to stand her and let Alice make me feel I was doing the wrong thing, when I know for a fact that I am doing what's best. What's least likely to get the love of my life murdered.

I was getting prepared to tell her to leave off and that it was none of her business, when I finally looked at her properly. Somewhere behind that anger I could see concern in her eyes and Merlin it got to me. I could feel tears threatening to fall. She looked back at me and her expression turned into one of sympathy. She walked over to me and hugged me. That did it. Now I was full on crying. I was the only real human contact I had had in days.

"Lils, babe what is going on? I've been your best mate since we were eleven, can you can tell me anything, you know that. Why did you leave James? Was it something he did?" She asked softly, as she continued to hug me. I just shook my head, not trusting my voice enough to speak. "What to skip work and go get a coffee and talk about it?"

I don't know why but I nodded my head and whispered, "Yes." I had been feeling so alone since Friday, I really needed someone. And there is no one better then Alice.

She released me from the hug and taking my hand led me back towards the life.

"I'm going to stop by my department and let Frank know where I am. Meet me at the entrance?" I nodded in agreement. I had no desire of going to the Auror department and risking almost certainly running into James.

I was sitting on the edge of the fountain in the entrance waiting for Alice when I heard someone call my name. Looking around I saw Sirius Black making his way over to me. I felt like a deer caught in wand light. After my brief hesitation I got up and quickly started to walk fast in the opposite direction.

"Lily! Lily! HEY LILY! JUST STOP!" Sirius yelled after me. I walked even faster, pretty much running to the nearest exit. "I SAID STOP!" And with that he hit me with a freezing charm. Bloody fantastic!

"What the hell is going on Lily? Why the fuck did you just walk out on James?" Sirius roared at me. I looked around and could see several people had stopped to watch the scene that was being acted out before them. "What the fuck are you playing at just leaving him? He's in such a state because of you! And you're too much of a _bitch _to even tell him why you just up and left! I thought me meant more than that too you!" He was right up in my face now pointing his finger at me. He was making me feel, if possible, worse then I already did. I could feel the tears silently beginning to fall down my cheeks.

"James is better off without me." I whispered. "He is much better off without me."

Sirius just stared at me, "Why did you leave Lils?" he asked quietly. "You obviously didn't want to!"

"Because it's for the best." I choked back. He just stared at me confused.

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**AN – First of all apologies to everyone about not updating sooner. Life has been a bit hectic as I've had exams as well as work. But I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you everyone who has reviewed. I love reading them so please keep them coming! And everyone who has added me to alerts and favourites I really appreciated it. Hopefully I will get a chance to update soon. Let me know if there is anything you want to see happen etc and I will see what I can do. x**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter Four**

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Sirius Black has never been one to act seriously, no pun intended because trust me by the second week of first year at Hogwarts it had gotten old. In fact it wasn't until I was in seventh year that I actually did, take him seriously that is. I remember it perfectly. It was the moment I realised that he was more than the womanising prankster he made himself out to be. It was the same day that I finally agreed to go out with James.

Sirius sat next to me in Ancient Runes, the only subject we had together without James. I was totally perplexed as Sirius normally sat the other side of the class room with Remus, that is if he actually turned up. Anyway that day Remus wasn't there, so he sat with me, much to my confusion. He didn't say anything to me about this alteration in seating arrangements or in fact anything at all, until half way through the lesson.

He kept his eyes locked on the work we were doing not even looking in my direction as he said, "You know Evans if you hurt him I will not think twice about hurting you back ten times harder."

As you can imagine I was kind of taken aback, as well as confused. "What are you talking about Black?" I whispered, so as not to attract the teachers' attention.

"Just what I said! If you hurt James, I won't think twice about hurting you back. He's my brother, my family. I won't let anyone get away with hurting him ok? So this better not be some fucked up plan to humiliate and hurt him, because if it is stop it now!" I thought he was playing some kind of joke at first, winding me up. That was until he looked me straight in the eye and gave me this look, as if daring me to defy him, daring me to hurt his brother.

"I didn't agree to go to Hogsmeade with him just to get his hopes up or anything. I really want to go with him. I like James, I really do!" I felt like I was pleading my innocence to a judge or something.

Sirius held my gaze, "You better not have got his hopes up for nothing. This is all he was wanted for the last four years." And that was it. That was the first moment I saw Sirius Black for who he really is, the most fiercely loyal and protective person I have ever met.

That is why two years after that moment in Ancient Runes, at almost twenty years old, I was petrified of what Sirius would do next. But he just continued to look at me in confusion and ask in voice that was almost a whisper, "_But why Lily? Why?"_ again and again as if I was some puzzle he was trying to piece together. We just stood there together in the entrance to the Ministry of Magic, him desperately trying to figure it all out, and me desperately pleading with my eyes for him to understand, to realise I wasn't trying to hurt James, but to protect him. We didn't move until Alice came up beside me and tugged on my arm.

"Come on Lils, let's go grab that coffee." She said gently, steering me away from Sirius who was still watching me.

"You ok?" Alice whispered as we walked out into muggle London. I nodded but then I realised I had yet to say anything since leaving the Ministry.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just... tired."

She gave me a look as if to say she didn't believe me, but didn't say anything as she ushered me into our favourite coffee shop. We sat in the drinking coffee for a good half an hour with Alice subtly trying to get me to talk about leaving James. I was purposefully playing ignorant, refusing to talk about it. Finally it seemed she had had enough.

"For Merlin sake Lily you are going to have to talk about it sometime! You just up and left without telling anyone. Have you even got a place to stay?" She was quite irritated, which was understandable. I guess that is what made me relent a little.

"I've got a new place, it's near Diagon Alley. Did you want to see it?" I asked. Alice seemed taken aback but quickly agreed. "Ok. Shall we get a taxi over there then?" I suggested.

"I can apparate you know!" Alice said with a laugh in her voice. "Being pregnant doesn't make me cripple."

"So it doesn't hurt the baby?"

Alice just shook her head and smiled. "No. I went to St Mungos the other week and asked about it. Frank was so paranoid it would damage the baby. But they said its fine. Apparently its floo power I should be worried about."

"Ok then well let's go then." I said with a genuine smile. Somehow finding out I could still apparate was a huge weight off my mind. Maybe because it meant that if I did bump into Sirius again, or even James I could make a quick exit.

We went down a quiet alleyway and I held Alice's hand so I could side-apparate her. We appear just outside of my new front door. My stomach was feeling so tight like it was being squeezed in a vice. I quickly fumbled and opened to door, legging it to the bathroom. I just made it to my good friend the toilet before I vomited. I lay on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet seat for a few minutes before feeling ready to stand up and going to face Alice.

She was standing at the door of the bathroom staring disbelieving at me.

"Merlin Lily when were you going to tell me?" she looked shocked.

"It's nothing. Must have had something bad to eat last night."

"Not a chance I'm falling for that! I know that reaction to apparition. Its how it was making me feel up to a week or so ago."

I stood there still as a statue, like a deer caught in wand light, not knowing what to say.

"Oh Merlin you're not even disagreeing! You really are aren't you? Merlin..." she started pacing and running her hands through her hair. "Merlin... does James know? I mean did he not want it? Is that why you... No that's stupid James would be over the moon... probably propose... But then..." She stopped her pacing and looking me straight in the eye a look of horror on her face, "Lily it's not... I mean... it is James' right?"

Ouch that hurt! My best friend just implied I cheated on the love of my life.

"Of course it fucking is!" I replied indignantly. How could she even suggest that it wasn't?

"No I didn't mean... I mean I knew it was his..." Alice spluttered clearly embarrassed, although obviously relieved to hear me deny it so vehemently. We both feel silent for a few minutes eyeing each other. I guess she was trying to figure out how to phase her next question. As for me, well I was trying to figure out how to answer it.

"Lily... can I ask you something?" Ah she had finally summed up the courage to ask, I nodded the affirmative. I saw her let out the breath she had been holding. "Why did you leave? I mean you're pregnant with James' child. Why did you leave him? You obviously still love him and he loves you. So why are you doing this? Did he want you to get rid of it or something?"

"I... I haven't told him. I wasn't going to tell him." I stuttered.

"What? You haven't... You're not going to... LILY MARIE EVANS YOU SELFISH STUBBORN BITCH!" Alice screamed. "WHAT IN MERLINS NAME DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" She was mad. Alice mad is scary. Pregnant Alice mad is terrifying.

I burst into tears. "He can't know Alice. He just can't!" I choked between sobs.

"He deserves to know!" she replied angrily.

"WHY? WHY DOES HE DESERVE TO KNOW?" I yelled. "I'M DOING THIS TO SAVE HIM!" Alice stared at me confused. "ENOUGH PEOPLE WANT TO KILL HIM AS IT IS! DO YOU THINK KNOCKING UP HIS _MUDBLOOD_ GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO HELP MATTERS? DO YOU THINK VOLDERMORT IS GOING TO THINK 'HEY JAMES POTTERS ABOUT TO BE A DAD LETS LAY OFF HIM?' NO! THERE GOING TO WANT HIM DEAD MORE THEN EVER!"

I stopped to draw breathe. Alice took the opportunity to wrap her arms around me and wide the tears that were running down my face. "Shh babe! It's going to be ok Lils..." She tried to comfort me but I just cried harder.

"I can't do it to him Alice! I can't stand there and watch them torture him because of me... not again... not after last time! I love him so much Alice! I love him so much!" I sobbed into her shoulder. "I had to leave him. Don't you see? I had to. I had before I did it again!"

"Lils it wasn't your fault!"

"But it was! If it wasn't for me it wouldn't have happened. If he wasn't with me they wouldn't have done it. And I can't Alice... I won't let it happen to him again! And this..." I pointed towards my stomach. "This WILL make it happen again! That's why I had to leave. It's for the best Alice. Don't you see it's for the best!"

We both collapsed onto my bathroom floor. Alice held me tighter as I cried, letting everything out, all my fears, worries and all the guilt. Because I just knew that seeing James be tortured and suffer like he was before would not just kill me, but destroy me.

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**Authors Note: I hope you guys like the chapter. I know a few of you couldn't wait till she told Alice and I hope this didn't disappoint. In the next chapter you get to meet the Order of the Phoenix, (cue the ever knowing Dumbledore along with others). Also Lily gets jealous! Please leave me some reviews! I like to hear what you guys think, good or bad. x **


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter Five**

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"Lils wake up! We need to get moving. We've got to get to the Order meeting babe." Alice gently shook me. At some point after collapsing on the bathroom floor Alice had convinced me to move into the lounge. It appeared that I had fallen asleep on the sofa some point after that. "Come on Lils we can't be late, Dumbledore is going to be there." She shook me again. I really didn't want to wake up and I definitely didn't want to go to the Order meeting. "Lily if you don't wake up now I will have to resort to the _other_ methods!"

Oh she would not! Alice wouldn't dare... Actually this IS Alice. "Ok. Ok I'm awake!" I groaned.

"Ha! I knew that would get you up!" she had this smug triumphant look on her face. It was really irritating so I grabbed the cushion from under my head and hit her with it. Alice just gave me this evil smirk, "Oh Lils you asked for it!" With that she started to attack me, tickling every inch of me she could reach.

I shrieked and moved as far away from her as I could. "You... you... what you do that for?" I panted. I hate being tickled. Alice is well aware of this fact. That is why whenever she wanted to wake me up at Hogwarts she would tickle me. Evil Friend!

"Well you started it!" Alice retorted. "Now let's act like the grownups we are meant to be and get ready to go. Frank is going to be worried enough as it is without me being late for the meeting. I told him we were only going for coffee." She began bustling about finding her shoes and coat. I on the other hand was less inclined to leave.

"Maybe you should go without me." I suggested.

As expected she was having none of it. "I don't think so Miss Evans!" She picked up coat and chucked it at me. "You are coming to this meeting. It will just make everyone more suspicious if you don't turn up." She walked over to me with my shoes. "I still don't know how you're planning on hiding it for that long anyway. I mean sure you can hide the bump with robes and concealment charms, but come on Lils how the hell are you going to hide a baby from everyone?"

"I... well... I was..." I was stunned that I hadn't actually thought about it probably before. I've been so wrapped up in what to do about now, I hadn't really thought about the future. "I don't really know." I admitted. "Maybe I could go live somewhere new where no one knows me?"

"You're just going to up and leave _everything_? Now be realistic Lily!" She was standing with her hands on her hips. I imagine in years to come she will use this stance and tone on her children when telling them off. "Even if you aren't prepared to tell James _yet_..." I opened my mouth to interrupt, but she held out her to stop me, "... you can't go around avoiding where he and his friends are going to be. Plus Dumbledore is relying on us!" Merlin I hate it when Alice has a point. Especially when she is also aware of it and gives you that smug look, which she is wearing now to show she knows she got you. She continued to lecture me on reasons why I should go for ten more minutes or so until I finally gave in. Stupid logical best friend guilt tripping me.

"Fine I'll come on one condition."

"And what might that be?" Alice asked still looking smug in her triumph.

"You have to stick by me. I don't want to get cornered by Sirius again, or Remus, or actually anyone." I was really glad it was a Monday. James works late on Mondays so wouldn't be there. If he was then I wouldn't be going at all.

"Lils, I'm your best friend of course I won't leave you."

"Not even for Frank?"

"Well...not unless it's an emergency." Alice replied looking uncomfortable.

"Hmm... suppose I have to take what I can get." I love winding Alice up about her switching of allegiance from me to Frank.

"Ok well now that is sorted we have to leave. We're already late. Come on you, were going to have to apparate." She grabbed my arm and I felt the same squeezing on my stomach as earlier. It seemed that she didn't trust me to apparate there on my own.

I staggered slightly as we landed and tried desperately to fight the urge to vomit but it was no use. It took a minute or two for me to stop being disorientated and realise where I was. There was no real set headquarters for the Order as it was too risky, so we moved around changed location constantly. Today's meeting happened to be at the recent newly-wed Mr and Mrs Longbottom's.

Alice put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?" she asked. I nodded the affirmative not trusting what would come out if I opened my mouth. "Ok then, well let's get inside, it's freezing out here." She ushered me up the garden path and into her house. There were voices coming from the dining room, so we headed in that direction.

It seemed that almost the whole order had managed to make it tonight, even the Prewitt twins, who I had thought were out the country. I tried to slip into the room inconspicuously, only it seemed that Frank had other plans. As soon as he noticed we had arrived he rushed over to the door.

"Alice! Lily! Thank Merlin you're both here. We were all beginning to worry. You have to be careful, you never know who's about at the moment. Are you ok Alice, babe? Nothing happened did it?" It is kind of sweet the way he worries about Alice, but it's not like she is defenceless. She's a fully trained Auror for Merlin sake! Therefore Frank really didn't have to draw the whole room's attention to our arrival. The room which contained the three best friends of the man I had only a few days ago walked out on. Looking about I could see Remus and Peter both looking at me with worried expressions on their faces. As for Sirius he looked worried, but was still eyeing me in the puzzled way from earlier, still trying to figure everything out.

I was wondering why they were all looking worried when Dumbledore called us all to be silent. I switched my attention to the brilliant yet erratic wizard who was standing at the head of the group. The meeting went ahead like many others. Marlene McKinnon, a girl I remember from being a Hufflepuff in my year at Hogwarts, was introduced as the Orders newest member. We discussed any new confirmed or suspected Deatheaters, I cringed inside as Snape was mentioned on more than one occasion. Then various people gave reports on what they had been doing and what they had found out, while others were given new missions. I knew that my report would have to wait till I could speak to Dumbledore personally, as it was one of a more secret nature.

As the main group discussion came to an end we split in to smaller groups to discuss things in more depth. I began to make my way over to Dumbledore only to find he was already engaged in a conversation. I stopped dead when I realised it was with Marlene McKinnon and James Potter. Now I knew why Remus, Sirius and Peter had been looking worried earlier. It appear that James had managed to get away early and had come along for the end of the meeting.

I didn't fancy drawing James attention to the fact I was there so I made my way out the back door and into the garden. I leant against the wall and took some deep breaths. Merlin it hurt to see James. He had looked so subdued, only half listening and caring to what Dumbledore was saying. He had massive bags under his eyes like he had hardly slept. I just wanted to walk back in there and hold him, telling him I'm here, I love him. But I know I can't. I felt tears trickling down my cheeks. I really hated Marlene at that moment for standing next to James, talking to him.

"Stupid hormones!" I muttered under my breath as I wiped my eyes, "Stupid James having to come to this stupid meeting!"

"Well if you didn't want to see him why did you come?" It appeared I wasn't alone as I had first thought. Sirius was standing a few feet away from me giving me a look that made me want to physically want to shudder. Why did he always have to show up at the worst possible moments?

"I have responsibilities to the Order." I replied in a voice that sounded a lot braver then I felt. "Plus it's a Monday. He usually works late on Mondays." I said in a quieter voice. Where the hell was Alice? Knew she wouldn't follow through on her promise to not leave me alone. Crap best friend she is.

"You know you have responsibilities to him to. He deserves to know why you left." Sirius was still trying to stare me down. There wasn't the anger in his voice that there was earlier, but there was something else I couldn't quite figure out. "You owe him an explanation." He took a step towards me. "He keeps asking me what he did wrong. He keeps asking me how he can sort it out. He even asked me if I thought there was another guy."

"NO OF COURSE NOT!" I shouted indignantly. He definitely got me with that last one.

"I didn't think so." He said attempting to smirk, but there was no humour to be had. "I don't know what has happened to you though. The Lily Evans I know looked Voldermort straight in the eye and laughed. She didn't run away like you." I realised what it was in his voice that I couldn't figure out before. It was disappointment. "The Lily Evans I know wouldn't have tried to hide and isolate herself from the people who love her most. She wasn't a coward like you are. She would have stood by her friends protecting them. Not abandoning them in an attempt to save herself."

Merlin his words hurt. I'm not being a coward. I'm not running away. I am definitely not trying to save myself! But it's not like I could tell him that. So instead I just stood there with tears falling down my face, again.

"You need to stop being stupid and realise that whatever it is James will be there for you. He would go to the ends of the earth for you. Merlin he would die for you!"

"Exactly" I whispered. "I don't want him to die for me. I don't want to be the reason he is murdered." I pushed passed Sirius and made my way attempted to make my way back inside.

"Lily what the hell is going on? Please tell me!" Sirius pleaded.

I just shook my head and walked into the kitchen. "I have to speak to Dumbledore."

Most of the Order were still about, but Dumbledore seemed to have gone. I went into the lounge to continue my search. James was sitting talking to Remus, Alice and Frank. I turned around and walked back out to avoid being seen.

"I can't believe you gave him up!" The ever delightful voice of Marlene, "At least it means that I can finally have a shot at him." She said with a smirk.

Before I could say anything she practically waltzed into the room and sat on the arm of James chair, fluttering her eyelids and puckering her lips like the slut she is. I never did like her. Hufflepuff girls have a habit of being slag's, now that I think about it. Can't believe she is throwing herself at James like that. I mean it's disgusting! A light chuckle from behind me, made me stop mentally cursing Marlene and turn around.

"Miss Evans, if I didn't know you better I would assume that you were allowing the colour of your eyes to dictate your current emotions." Dumbledore's eyes sparkled from behind his half moon spectacles. "Now I believe there is something we need to discuss."

I spent the next half an hour talking over the latest information I had uncovered for Dumbledore. Working in the department of Mysteries made it easy for me to get hold of some knowledge others didn't even know existed. Currently Dumbledore was bleeding my brain dry of all the information I knew on the Hall of Prophesies. For what reason I have no idea. I don't know all that much about it to be honest. I specialise in a whole different area, on a project called "Veil" as that is essentially what it's all about.

I figured as I had talked with Dumbledore, and my best friend who has sworn to remain by my side had long disappeared that it was high time I went home, far away from certain people. I figured I best find Alice and let her know I was leaving, so she wouldn't worry. It turned out she was by the door saying goodbye to others, so I needn't have bothered looking.

I walked over and gave her a hug. "So much for not leaving me on my own," I muttered to her.

"Oh Lils I'm so sorry. Frank was so worried I had been missing all day that he wouldn't let me go anywhere without him." She gave me those big puppy dog eyes of hers. "It wasn't that terrible was it? You don't have me?"

"How could I hate someone as adorable as you!" I replied squeezing her cheek. "But just so you know you are a crappy best friend but I suppose it makes up for me standing you up on Saturday. Anyway I'll see you tomorrow at work." I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You can't go home on your own. At least let Frank take you. You're in no state to be apparating everywhere alone, you could end up splinching yourself, or worse!" Typical Alice worrying about me.

"I'll take her home if you want Alice." Oh for Merlin sake! I swear that he is stalking me. Why is it that Sirius seems to always be about? I bet James has put him up to it.

Alice gave me a worried glace, seemingly trying to weigh up the pros and cons of him apparating me home. To save her the trouble I replied in my usual polite fashion, "Not a bloody chance Black! You'll probably apparate me to your flat and keep me captive." Seriously I believe he would, he's so desperate to find out what's going on.

"I promise I won't Lily. I promise I'll take you to your flat, make sure your safe inside and then leave, no funny business."

"It would be a lot safer Lils. I mean you aren't exactly at your best." Stupid best friend siding with him. "It would make me feel so much better knowing you definitely got home ok." How am I meant to disagree when she plays that card on me.

"Remind me why we're friends again Alice?" I asked, because seriously I sometimes can't remember. She just laughed. "Fine Sirius you can apparate me home." I gave told him the street I was living on so he knew where to go.

He grabbed hold of me and I felt myself being squeezed yet again as I was apparated home. I put my hand straight over my mouth as we arrived feeling the need yet again to vomit. But the urge was suddenly suppressed when I realised where I was.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU SIRIUS BLACK YOU BASTARD!" I roared.

"What? I said I would apparate you to your home and that is what I did. Your name is still on the lease." He replied trying to act innocent. Innocent my arse! I heard footsteps running down the stairs.

"Padfoot what the hell is going on... Lily?" James stood in the doorway confused. Because that's right Sirius the bastard Black had apparated me straight into James' lounge.

"I thought it would be for the best if I brought Lily over so you two can sort out whatever the hell is going on." Sirius answered.

I swear I am going to murder him, straight after I manage to get the hell out of here.

I felt the need to vomit coming back and began to stumble towards to bathroom. I only made it a few steps before I felt everything going black

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**Authors Note – I hope you like this chapter it's my longest one yet. Please tell me what you think. And thank you to everyone who has reviewed and who has added it to favourites and alerts :D x**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter Six**

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As I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was a pair of very familiar glasses. For a second I hoped they were Dumbledore's, but these were no half moon spectacles. As my vision focused I wanted to scream. James Potter was standing over me, looking at me in an expression that could only be described as full of worry, next to him were Sirius and Alice looking equally anxious.

"Lily? Lily are you awake babe?" James asked stroking my hand I hadn't yet realised he was holding. My throat felt so dry I didn't think I could speak, so I just nodded. "Merlin I was so worried! You just... you just fainted! But the healer says your fine, you just need some bed rest and to take it easy for a few days." As James said this I realised where I was, St Mungos. Holy crap what if they told him I'm pregnant! Oh Merlin I hope not.

"Did... erm... did they say anything else?" I managed to croak out.

"No, just that you've been pushing yourself too hard." It was Alice who answered. I felt the relief flood through me. Still I didn't miss the look Alice gave me which plainly said '_I think you should tell him all the same!_' I did however decide to ignore it.

Knowing that neither James or Sirius knew about James's baby, I started to think about how to get out of my current situation. Being trapped in a hospital bed with my recently dumped ex and his verging on psychotic best friend was not a position I liked being in. A few minutes after I woke the healer came to look me over. I was pretty glad when he chucked everyone one the room for the exam.

Once the door had shut he came back over to me. "Miss Evans, the reason I wished to speak to you is that I wished to inform you that you are expecting a child."

"I know," I said emotionlessly.

"You were already aware?" I just nodded. "Miss Evans I must then press upon you the importance of taking better care of yourself then you are. I believe you need to spend at least the next week having as much bed rest as possible." I opened my mouth to protest, but he just held up one of his hands to stop me. "Miss Evans it is imperative to the health of you and your child that you slow yourself down and rest. I am not saying you need to be permanently in bed, just not overstretching yourself. I have looked through your medical history and with the... erm... _injuries_ such as you have previously sustained you are at risk of losing your child if you do not heed my advice."

I was a bit stunned at that. "But I have been... I mean I haven't done anything that stressful!" I protested.

"Miss Evans you may feel that way, but I assure you that you need to take a break." He had headed over to the door and opened it to allow the others back in. Once they had all re-entered the healer addressed them all. "It is very important that Miss Evans does not overstretch herself in the next week or so. I do not think that it would be wise for her to live on her own currently and recommend she stays with one of you..."

"WHAT?" I shouted. He did not just suggest I live with James or Sirius for the next week. Alice sure, I could handle, but James or Sirius? Merlin this healer is such a dick!

"Miss Evans, you need to spend the next week resting. It would be much easier for you, if you were with friends." I wanted to murder him at that moment.

"Lils, I think you should stay with Prongs." My head snapped around so that I could stare daggers at Sirius. He did not just suggest me living with James! Would he stop at nothing to get us back together? Bastard!

"I think that Sirius has a point." Evil, treacherous best friend! I swear as soon as I get out of here I am going to murder Alice Longbottom for just saying that! "I hate to say it but in my condition," she waved her hand over her stomach, "I wouldn't be able to look after you properly. And as for Sirius well, that kind of just speaks for itself!"

"Oi! What are you implying?" said Sirius with a mock offended expression on his face.

"That you're an irresponsible git, who can hardly look after himself?" James joked.

Sirius just shrugged. "So it's settled then, Prongs will look after Lilyflower for the next week."

"That is if you're ok with it... I mean if you want to..." James asked nervously.

"Well I guess I don't have much choice." I simply stated.

James smiled at me and gave my hand a quick squeeze. "I'm not that bad." He whispered to me. He didn't have to tell me that. Merlin this next week was going to be so hard. How the hell was I going to keep being pregnant from him when I am vomiting every morning?

Within an hour, after yet another lecture from the healer, I was in taxi back to the place me and James had shared up until a few days ago. The reason we were in a taxi was because the healer had expressed his concerns about me using magical transport for the next day or so, and it seemed James was taking his word as law. It wasn't a long journey and in what seemed like too short a time me and James had arrived.

As we walked up the path to the house James asked for about the thousandth time how I was. I replied for about the thousandth time "I'm fine." While really wanting to scream, "How do you thing I bloody am? I'm being forced to live for the next week with the guy I'm madly in love with and whose heart I just broke!"

The house was pretty much exactly how I had left it. The same washing up needed doing, the same clothes were lying in a basket needing to be ironed.

"I haven't had a chance to do any tidying up since you... well yeah erm..." James trailed off.

I suddenly felt bad for him, I seemed to have forgotten how hard this might be on him. I was the girl who had just broken his heart by up and leaving without a word after all. I gave him a small smile, "I think I've seen worse." I muttered. "I think I'll just go to bed though. Do I need to get sheets for the spare room?" I asked.

James shock his head, "No it's made up, Sirius has been staying over... But erm I'll sleep in there, you need to rest and the bed in our... I mean my room is much comfier." He looked so awkward.

"Thanks James, but it's ok."

"No, I insist." With that he took my hand and lead me upstairs into the master bedroom. As I entered I looked around, my hand automatically went over my mouth in shock. James turned to me with fear in his eyes, pushing me out of the room, "Erm... just give me a minute to tidy up" he mumbled, slamming the door shut.

I sat down at the top of the stairs thinking what I had seen. Our old room had been exactly as I had left it, with one exception. It appear James had covered the bed with as many pictures he could find of me. All of the old photo albums from school had been open, spread out across the bed. It seemed that James was taking this harder than even I had thought.

A few minutes later James emerged from the room. I looked at the sad expression in his eyes. "James I am so sorry." I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

"Just tell me why Lily? Is it because of something I did or didn't do? Is it someone else? Please Lily I have to know why! Please just tell me!" He pleaded. The expression of hopeless on his face was breaking my heart.

I stood up and made my way over to him. I don't know what made me do it, but I put my hand against his cheek and gently kissed him on the lips.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much." I whispered as the tears fell silently down both our faces. "But I had to go, I have to go"

He looked so confused. "I don't understand. If you love me, then why?"

"Because it's for the best." I kissed him gently again, "I should go, this was a bad idea."

I turned to leave but James stopped me. "No please stay. Please just for tonight?"

"James, it's not a good idea."

"Please Lily, can we just have one last night together? Pretend that everything is ok?"

I looked at the broken man in front of me. The man I had been in love with since I was seventeen. The man whose heart I had so obviously crushed. I looked at him and nodded my head, "Just for tonight." And with that he smashed his lips into mine and his arms wrapped around me holding me tight as if he was afraid I would change my mine and leave.

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**AN – Thank you to everyone who as review so far. Please keep them coming! I hope really you like this chapter. For those who are reading Rebound I am doing my best to update it soon, but I've been torn between two different ideas for the current chapter and just can't chose which to write. Apologises again for irregular updating but I still haven't got any internet in my flat :( I'm having to use the library, which is increasingly difficult at the moment as I'm working nights and therefore asleep during its usual open hours. Anyways I will update as soon as I can. –Sareface :D**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter Seven**

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I woke the next morning and snuggled deeper into the covers. It was the first good nights sleep I had had in a while. The smell of bacon drifted into the room and I opened my eyes, finally registering where I was. I jumped out of bed panicking. Looking down I saw I was wearing James' old Gryffindor quidditich jumper and a pair of his trackies. I heard footsteps on the stairs as the smell of bacon got stronger, it was beginning to make me nauseous. By the time I heard a knock on the door and James calling my name I was already making a mad dash to the toilet in the ensuite.

I embraced my good friend the toilet as I succumb to what is unfortunately going to be a daily occurrence for the next few months, morning sickness. I felt James pulling back my hair and sitting down beside me.

"Lils, are you ok? Do you want me to get you anything?" he asked, as he rubbed my back comfortingly with one of his hands.

I shook my head. "No, but I will be in a bit and I don't need anything. Once I've had a shower and got dressed I'll go back to mine."

James stared at me in disbelief. "Lily were you not listening to the Healer last night? You need to have bed rest and someone look after you. You're not well! You can't go off on your own, it's not safe!"

I looked down at my hand feeling guilty about how much he was worrying about me. "But James I can't... I mean it's impractical for me to stay here. You have work! I can't ask you to take time off to look after me. I shouldn't have stayed last night. It's not fair on either of us, especially you. I'm not your problem anymore, I'm not your girlfriend. I'm not staying and getting back with you."

I watched James' adams apple bob up and down as he tried not to control his voice as he replied. "I don't understand what is going on Lils, but I guess if you would be more comfortable somewhere else I could ask Sirius if you could stay in his spare room."

"I don't think Sirius would appreciate that. I would probably cramp his style." I mumbled. I didn't like being treated like a child being moved place to place so as to have parental supervision.

"Sirius won't care. I'll go floo him over now. Are you going to be ok if I leave you for a minute?" I nodded in reply. James was using his _don't even bother to argue with me, I will win_ voice, so there really was no point arguing, also I really didn't have the energy as another wave or nausea hit me.

Half an hour later I had managed to shower and change into a pair of my jeans I seemed to have left and another one of James' old quidditich jumpers. The man himself hadn't come to check on me. I hoped he was still at Sirius'. That way I could grab my stuff from last night and maybe grab a taxi to Charings Cross and get home before he was back. I really didn't fancy been trapped at Sirius' with him constantly questioning me about why I left James. I quickly looked over the bedroom to see if I had left anything and made my way down the stairs where I heard voices coming from the kitchen.

"Why doesn't she stay here with you Prongs?" the delectable tones of Sirius Black asked.

"Pads, she is uncomfortable being around me. She doesn't want to be around me, and well I have to respect that. I guess she just doesn't love me anymore. I'm just going to have to get over it." James answered.

"Please you tried that for years at school and it never worked!" Sirius snorted.

"Yeah well..."

I stepped towards the lounge hoping I still had a chance to make a break for it. I saw the rest of my stuff on the couch. Making my way over I was interrupted by someone coughing behind me. Turning around I was Remus Lupin looking at me with his eyebrow raised in a questioning manner.

"You're not trying to sneak out while they're arguing are you now Lily?" Bloody Remus being perceptive, and in the wrong place and the wrong time.

"Erm... no, was just getting everything ready to go to Sirius'." I said, sounding rather unconvincing it seemed, as Remus just raised his eyebrow at me again.

"If you said so," he replied. "Prongs! Looks like Lily is all ready to go!" He called in the direction of the kitchen. Git!

About a couple of hours later after much hassle leaving James, then stopping over mine to get clothes and such, me and Sirius finally arrived at his. I piled all my stuff into his spare room and collapsed on the bed.

"Right well the Healer said you have to get bed rest, so you are only allowed to leave this room to go to the bathroom. I'll cook for you and bring you anything else you need." Sirius informed me, although it was obvious he was working on James' orders rather than the Healers. An idea formed in my head.

"Fine, I'll be a good girl for the next week on the condition that you do not ask me any questions about James and why I left."

He looked at me up and down for about half a minute as though he was contemplating his options, then held out his hand. "Deal. But you have to be a good little girl Evans and follow Healers orders." I shook his hand. It was the best I could hope for. I knew he would be watching me like a hawk so I didn't up and leave anyway.

Staying at Sirius' was uneventful as I spend all my time in bed or becoming better acquaintances with the toilet. With the lack of having anything better to do I had taken to talking to the baby, or rather my stomach were the baby resided. The conversations were rather one sided what with the baby not being born yet and everything, but it comforted me somehow, made me feel less alone. I talked to it about the reoccurring dreams I was having, about everyone trying to take it away from me as well as how I wished that my parents were alive to talk everything over with.

It was on my fifth day at Sirius' that I came to a decision I should really think of a name for mine and James' baby as calling it, "it" was just getting annoying.

"What am I going to call you?" I asked my still flat stomach as I ran a hand over it. "I need a unisex name, as I've no idea what gender you are." I continued to rub my stomach. I felt like the unborn baby growing inside me was the only thing I could speak to sometimes. "How about Charlie? Then you could be a Charles or a Charlotte? Or Sam? Are you a Samuel or Samantha?" I asked my stomach a list of different names before I decided, "Harry. I think I'm going to called you Harry. That way if you're a girl I can call you Harriet. What do you thing?" I stared at my stomach imagining what my little Harry or Harriet would look like. "Harry Potter." I said with a smile. "My little Harry. James' always liked the names Harry and Harriet, reminded him of his Uncle Harold." I started to daydream about what it would be like to hold Harry for the first time, with James standing next to us protectively smiling down at us. "Oh James!" I sighed closing my eyes and place both my hands on my stomach, "I wish I could tell you about little Harry here. You would make such a good dad."

"Merlin! You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I opened my eyes suddenly and looked straight into the shocked face of Sirius Black. FUCK!

"Lily you're pregnant!" He exclaimed. I wasn't a question, I was a statement. "Why the fuck didn't you say?"

"I... I... Erm... I..." I couldn't think of anything to say. How the hell was I going to get myself out of this one?

"I just thought you were ill, what with the puking in the morning. But that's morning sickness isn't it?" I couldn't find my voice to reply. "Is it?" He repeated, I slowly moved my head up and down in a nodding motion.

"Holy crap Lils! Why the hell haven't you told James? He's going to be a dad! I'm... I'm going to be an Uncle!" His face broke into a enormous smile. He rushed over to me and pulled me into a massive hug. "We have to go find James!" He exclaimed, pulling me out of bed. "You need to get dressed! We have to tell him he's going to be a daddy!"

I pulled myself out of Sirius' grasp and sat back down on the bed. "Sirius no, we can't!"

"Can't what?"

"Tell him?"

His face fell, "Why not?"

"Because he can't know! It's too dangerous! You have to promise me you won't tell him. Please Sirius, promise me you won't say anything?" I pleaded.

"But you're having his child! He deserves to know! Then you two can get back together and everything will be alright." He cupped my face affectionately with his hands, "Don't you see Lily? Everything will be fine now, you'll be back together." He smiled at me softly, obviously not understanding what I was saying.

"I'm not getting back with him Sirius. I left him because I'm pregnant." I explained.

"You knew? You knew and that's why you left?" His expression showed me that he was confused by what I was saying. "Why would you do that?"

"Because it's for the best."

"How's it for the best? You're making no sense! We need to tell James!" he yanked on my arm pulling me towards the bedroom door. I tried to pull my arm out his grip. "Well! I'll tell him then!" He announced and made to leave the room.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK, I SAID NO!" I screamed. "I FORBID YOU TO TELL JAMES OR I SWEAR I WILL DISSAPPERATE TO... TO FRANCE AND NEVER COME BACK!"

Sirius stopped and turned around to stare at me like I was a raging hippogriff. "But... but Lils... we need too... we have to..."

"No Sirius! We do not need to! It's for the best that he doesn't know!"

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**AN – I am so so so so so so so so so sorry it has taken me forever to update. I had loads of Uni work and then I've been ill for the last few months. I know this chapter isn't exactly my best but I feel so guilty for not updating sooner that I felt I needed to post it asap. So apologies for spelling and grammar mistakes.**

**Thank you everyone for being so patient with me and for all your reviews. For those of you who read REBOUND it WILL be updated very soon. I am just having major writers block with it. **

**I know I don't deserve them, but reviews? I would love to know what you all think Sirius should do now he has found out. Should he tell James and risk Lily leaving? Or should he help Lily hide it from him?**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

**For the best**

**Chapter Eight**

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I continued to glare across the table at him boring holes into his head, as I had been doing for the last half an hour. Not saying a word, not looking away and hardly blinking. A small cough to the left of me brought me out of my thoughts of whether a sharp rock or blunt axe would be more painful method of castration. However try as Remus might to catch my attention, my eyes remained fixed on Sirius, as I tried to make fire shot out of my eyes and set his _precious_ hair on fire. Suddenly there was a spark and smoke began to rise from Sirius' scalp. I smirked. Serves the twat right.

Remus it appeared did not agree with me as he sent a silent water charm at Sirius' _luscious locks. _Sirius however didn't seem to register anything amiss. Remus looked to be getting frustrated with the staring match we were having and said, in the exhausted voice he only uses around the full moon, or when he is truly fed up, "Does someone want to explain to me what is going on here? Lily?" I said nothing, maintaining the death glare I was aiming at his friend. "Sirius?" No response from his end either. We fell back into a silence so tense it would take more than a knife to cut, more like a bloody chainsaw.

Five minutes later it seemed our werewolf friend had decided enough was enough. "Right, either one of you explains what the hell is going on here or I am going to get James, and see if he can get anything out of the two of you." At the mention of James I finally broke my eye contact with Sirius.

"Nothing is going on Remus." I snapped, "So don't you dare go running to James for no reason." My lie hadn't been convincing in the slightest, as in response Remus raised that damn eyebrow of his.

"Nothing is going on?" He questioned sceptically. "Really Lily, you don't wandlessly set someone's hair on fire if _nothing is going on_." He turned to look at Sirius, "Now are you going to be any more talkative?"

Sirius seemed to chew his words before saying in almost a growl, "It appears Lily here thinks she has the right to play god with other people's lives." Something inside me seemed to snap as he said those words.

"And you can't keep you're bloody gob shut about things that don't concern you for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES!" I screeched back, standing up to give myself a height advantage over the sitting man. "I TURN MY BACK FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AND YOU IMMEDIATELY SHOVED YOUR HEAD IN THAT BLOODY FIREPLACE! THE ONE PERSON YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN'T TELL AND YOU WENT STRAIGHT TO HIM! YOU'RE A LYING BASTARD BLACK!" I all but bellowed. I took a breath and was about to continue my rant when I felt someone's hands on my shoulders.

"LILY! Calm down! Look I don't know what Sirius did but you need to calm down." It was Remus. "Take a deep breath. You really need to calm down! Your magic is beginning to go haywire and the doctor said you needed to rest! Being this worked up isn't doing you any good." Remus pleaded. His last sentence struck me. Nevermind me, losing control like this couldn't be good for Harry.

I could vaguely here crashing around me as I took a deep breath and tried to regain control. After a minute or so I looked about to see pots and pans all over the floor. It appeared that in my rage I had been levitating half the kitchen.

"Now," Remus began, when it became clear I had regained enough control that I was not about to make all the knives fly straight at Sirius' head, not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind, "Could one of you please tell me exactly what is going on? I mean I walk in here to see you two trying to shoot daggers with your eyes at each other. Does one of you care to explain?"

"He," I said returning to my previous occupation of mentally drilling holes into Sirius' head, "can't keep his bloody mouth shut, or his nose out of other people's business!"

"It's hardly none of my business when it has to do with my best friend, Lily!" Sirius retorted. "Besides he wasn't even in."

"That is not the point! You promised you wouldn't tell him." I began to cry, damn my ruddy hormones being all over the place, "And the second I wasn't looking you went straight to him!" I could feel tears beginning to form in my eyes. Seriously being pregnant was making my hormones go mental.

"But Lily," he began in a softer tone then before, as Remus just watched the exchange, thoroughly confused. "You need someone to look after you. You shouldn't be on your own right now." As he spoke I felt the tears start to fall freely down my cheeks. A second later there was a pair of warm arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly. "Lily, you need James right now, whether you want to admit it or not." Sirius continued as he held me. "Both of you need James right now." He whispered softly in my ear so as Remus couldn't hear.

"But what if after everything he doesn't want me?" I whispered back, "What if he doesn't want us?" I questioned, finally voicing for the first time one of my biggest worries.

"For someone so smart you sure can be incredibly stupid sometimes Evans, you know that?" He replied gently kissing my forehead and pulling me into an even tighter hug as I cried.

I have no idea how long I sat there in Sirius' arms as he cradled my like some oversized baby, but at some point I must have passed out from exhaustion, because next thing I knew I was tucked up in bed.

"Are you going to actually explain to me what all that was about before?" I heard Remus ask from the other side of the bedroom door.

"Well considering she almost blow up the kitchen when I attempted to tell Prongs, I think I'll give it a miss Moony my old friend." Sirius said in his usual cheerful voice. "I mean I would hate to have to go flat hunting because she set fire to the place because I _actually_ told someone." I smiled, finding it relaxing that Sirius was already finding humour in this afternoons _little_ argument, and that for now he had decided against telling everyone.

"If you're sure Padfoot. But it seemed quite serious. Are you sure you shouldn't at least floo over to Prongs' while she's asleep and I don't know either tell him, or bring him over to see her?" Remus inquired.

"As much as I would love to do that, I'm sure Lily will see sense soon," Sirius responded, "And I think that it would be for the best if Lily was the one to tell him. In fact..." Here he paused for a moment, "for the sake of my flat I think it is _definitely_ for the best."

That made me chuckle. However I couldn't help but think that there was a "but" somewhere in what he was saying, that I seemed to have missed.

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**Authors note: Once again I seem to be apologising for how long it has taken me to update. I am really sorry, I have had a lot going on, plus I'm just really useless and disorganised. Anyway I hope that this was worth the wait. I know I don't deserve it but please review, I love hearing what people think. For those of you who do review I'll send you a sneak preview of the next chapter.**

**(Just so you know I can only send you a preview of the next chapter if you have private messages enabled. Otherwise I can't send it to you.)  
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	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

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**For the Best  
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**Chapter Nine**

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The next few days past rather peacefully, that is as peacefully as they can when you are living with Sirius Black. Since my _little_ blow up about him attempting to tell James I was pregnant, he had been rather careful not to upset me. Although this was probably out of fear that if he pissed me off he would spontaneously combust, rather than a newfound respect for my wishes. We had also come to an arrangement that until I was past the morning sickness stage, and was able to Apparate safely on my own, that is to say without regurgitating what little food I managed to force into my stomach to begin with, I would live at his. I wasn't too fond of this plan, but as Sirius pointed out it was easier for me to make sure he wasn't running off to tell James anything and everything, if I was living with him.

It was about a week and a half after I had originally gone to stay at the mangy mutts that I received an owl from St Mungo's asking me to come in for a check-up. My wonderful new flatmate decided that it was obviously in the room mate agreement contract that he had to accompany me. So the next Saturday morning saw the two of us making our way to the Wizarding Hospital.

Waiting for the healer to call me I saw someone I would rather avoid.

"Crap," I muttered ducking behind Sirius, "You have to hide me."

"What?" he asked confused.

I opened my mouth to reply when, "Sirius is that you?" Damn she'd seen him, but there was still a chance I could sneak away, until, "And Lily dear is that you there too?" Bulls she had seen me, now I would have to speak to her. I straightened up and came out from behind my temporary and rather inefficient hiding place that was Sirius Black.

"Dorea! I haven't seen you in ages!" I said flashing her a smile so fake it would have made a politician proud.

"Mrs P!" Sirius exclaimed bounding forward excitedly, to hug the elder woman. "How you been Mrs P?"

"Oh I can't complain," she replied, "And yourself?" Sirius just shrugged. "How about you Lily dear? James said you had been under the weather lately. All better now I hope."

"Oh yes I'm fine. It wasn't anything serious. You know what James is like, always exaggerating." I tried to keep my voice calm and make it sound casual. But oh how I wished I could just disappear, that the floor would just swallow me up. Of all the people to bump into at St Mungos it would be James' mother. It was only a matter of time before she asked me the dreaded question. _Why_ I broke up with her precious son.

"Well it's good to hear you're all better love." She smiled at me, "When are you and James next coming over for dinner? He was so vague with the owl he sent me the other day."

My eyes widened.

He hadn't told her.

The bloody git hadn't told his mother we had broken up! Now I was standing here, in the middle of St Mungo's outpatients' ward, _with_ said mother standing in front of me innocently asking when I was next going to come over for dinner. The ruddy twat was going to pay! What the hell was I meant to say to her now? _"Oh didn't you hear? The other week I just up and left, breaking your only child's heart?" _Yeah I'm sure that one would go down well!

Out the corner of my eye I saw Sirius opening his mouth, which I can honestly say from past experience, is never a good sign, even at the best of times. I was about to say something to stop him from metaphorically putting is foot in it, which would lead to me physically putting my foot somewhere, when the Healer came out and called my name.

I started to thank Merlin for sending this angel of a Healer to save me from what I am sure would have been one of the most awkward conversations of my life, when...

"Dorea! I wasn't expecting for you to come along. Although who can blame you? You must be so excited!" How I had managed to forget in that moment, that Healer Grey and Dorea Potter where old school friends, I will never know. All I know for certain is that there is someone up there that _definitely _hates me with a passion.

"Charlotte, it has been too long!" Mrs Potter answered with a smile. "But I'm not here with Lily. No I was just up helping out a little in the Closed Ward. You know that Emily is up there? Well she was..." She paused, I could almost hear her brain working as she backtracked to process what her friend had said a minute or so earlier. Then it clicked. It was like a light bulb being lit in her head, "OH MY LILY! Are you? Oh my how excited! Oh I should have guessed something funny was going on what with James' cryptic letters about you being under the weather. Oh how lovely! Oh Lily my dear this is the most amazing thing! I'm going to be a grandmother. _You're_ going to be a mother!"

I just wanted to run and hide!

I turned to look at Sirius, but had to quickly turn away. The smug look on his face made me want to punch him. He knew as well as I did that I now had no choice but to tell James. Bloody fantastic! All my trying to stay away from him and protect him was for nothing. Now he was never going to let me leave. He may not want a child but James is not a prick. He wouldn't let me raise this child on my own; he would want to be there.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't realises that Dorea's had stopped gushing and now had a ridiculous grin on her face of pure happiness. In fact I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hardly remember anything of the appointment or the journey back to Sirius'. I assumed he told Mrs P some lie to get out of her taking me back to James, or indeed telling James before I got to break the unexpected news to him.

Once the door of Sirius' flat was shut behind us he turned to me with supporting the most arrogant grin I have ever seen. I glared at him.

"So what time should we head over to Prongs' then?" he asked, trying and failing miserably to sound innocent.

"How about never?" I replied, wishing that that was still an option.

He seemed to contemplate my answer. "No I don't think I'm free then. We'll go in about half an hour, when he gets back from work." I scowled at him. "You know Lily I think everything that has happened so far today has been for the best!" Git!

"For the best my arse!" I muttered as I walked past him, purposefully stepping hard on his toes as I passed. I heard him draw in his breath in pain. Serves the smug bastard right!

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**Authors Note: Firstly thank you to everyone who reviews. Also massive thanks to Mi High Lover beta-ing this for me. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. In the next chapter the thing a lot of you have been waiting for... Lily has to tell James she's pregnant! **

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**(Unfortunately I have a couple of Uni essays to write in the next few weeks which are worth a good 30/40% of my grade so I apologise if I am slow in updating.)**

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	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, it all belongs to JKR.

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**For the best**

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**Previously:**

Once the door of Sirius' flat was shut behind us he turned to me with supporting the most arrogant grin I have ever seen. I glared at him.

"So what time should we head over to Prongs' then?" he asked, trying and failing miserably to sound innocent.

"How about never?" I replied, wishing that that was still an option.

He seemed to contemplate my answer. "No I don't think I'm free then. We'll go in about half an hour, when he gets back from work." I scowled at him. "You know Lily I think everything that has happened so far today has been for the best!"

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**Chapter Ten**

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The one thing I have continuously found myself questioning over the years is _why_ James Potter had decided to become best friends with Sirius Black. I just couldn't comprehend it. The guy was an annoying git, a moron and one of the most loyal bastards I had ever met. Actually come to think about it that last one might be one of the reasons.

For the last half hour he had refused to let me out his sight for a single moment. And now my time was up. He was forcing me into my coat, holding my wand hostage, in case I acted on my current thoughts to get the hell away from everything.

"Come on Lils, it's going to be fine. You'll tell him, cry a little, he'll hug and kiss you and then you'll live happily ever after as the perfect little family." He was looking far too smug right now and it really wasn't helping to contain my flaring temper. He pulled me towards him. "I am not taking any chances, and letting you escape this." And with that I felt the familiar tight squeeze of apparation.

I looked around. We were standing in the middle of James lounge.

"Ok you can let go of me now!"

"Promise you won't run away?"

"I might run to the loo."

"Huh?"

"I think I'm going to vomit."

"Oh shit." Sirius quickly let go of me and let me make a mad dash to the toilet. This was the first time I had apparated since I fainted a few weeks ago, after the Order meeting, and my body was not reacting well to it.

When I made my way back into the lounge Sirius was sprawled out on the sofa, like he owned the place.

"Seems Prongs isn't back yet," he said acknowledging my return.

"Oh well then let's not be rude and stay here uninvited. We can just go and come back another day. If you could just give me my wand we can be off!"

"Fat chance my dear Lilyflower."

"But he's not here!"

"Then we wait."

"He could be ages!"

"Sit!" he commanded.

Sighing heavily I obeyed. Without my wand there was no way I could sneak away, without him quickly catching me. We sat there in silence for what felt like forever, waiting for James to return. It was nearly an hour before he arrived. He looked exhausted and completely drained.

"You look like you could use a firewhiskey or five." Sirius called out, alerting James to our present in his house. He spun around a reply to Sirius obviously on the tip of his tongue, until he spotted me.

"Lily!"

"Hi James."

"Why are you... I mean what are you doing here?" I could see a flicker of hope in his eyes. "Are you coming home?" he asked.

I stood up and swallowed, trying to shove the massive lump that had formed in my throat downward, so I would be able to speak.

"She's got something she needs to tell you Prongs," Sirius gave me a pointed look. "Don't you Lily?"

"I erm... yeah I..."

James stepped towards me, putting his hands on my waist.

"What is it Lily? Are you ok? Did something happen?"

His voice was so full of concern. I just wanted to cry. I could feel my eyes filling with tears as I looked straight into his eyes. They reflected the anxiety of his voice.

"I'm sorry, I can't..." I broke down, tears flowing freely down my face. "I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry."

I repeated it over and over again as he pulled me into a protective hug.

"Whatever it is you can tell me. I don't care what happened! I just want you to come home Lily." He kissed my forehead. "What is it Lily? What's happened?"

I took a deep breath.

"I...I can't do this." I turned to look at Sirius. "Please don't make me do this!" I pleaded.

"Either you do it or I will. I mean it Lily!"

"Please Sirius, please!"

"Tell him now!" Sirius demanded.

"Tell me what?"

I looked up at James who still had his arms around me. He looked so confused, so lost, so completely bewildered by mine and Sirius' exchange.

"James I love you." He gave me a small smile before transforming his face back to its puzzled look.

"Lily quit stalling!" Sirius growled warningly.

"Ok, ok!" I tried to shallow the lump which had reformed in my throat. "I just... James you need to know I love you and I never meant to hurt you. The thing is I... I'm..."

James looked at me expectantly waiting for me to continue, but it seemed Sirius had reached breaking point.

"Oh for Merlin's sake Prongs, she's bloody pregnant."

James' eyes, which had drifted to look at Sirius, immediately snapped back to staring at me, growing wider.

"She's having the first mini marauder. That's why she did her disappearing act on you." Sirius continued, before deciding it was time for him to retreat out of the room.

James' jaw had dropped and he was gulping like a fish, trying to digest the information he had just been given. His piercing stare made me squirm, but that just made him tighten his grip on my waist.

"Why?" he asked, having regained the ability to speak.

"Why what?" I replied.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I don't want to see you get hurt."

He recoiled slightly, "You're not planning on getting rid of it are you?"

I shook my head, "No. Harry is here to stay."

"Harry? It's a boy?"

"I don't know. I just like the name Harry. It feels right."

"Harry... Harry... Harry... I like it." He gave me a soft smile. "I'm really going to be a dad?"

Grimly I nodded.

"But I still don't understand. Why did you leave?"

"Because I couldn't stay. I make you too much of a target."

"That's for me to worry about not you!" he said indignantly.

I snorted and sat down on the sofa Sirius had left vacant when he withdrew.

"It's true. If I want to take the risks that come with being with you, with having a family with you, then that's my choice," James insisted.

"You really don't get it do you?"

"What's there to get Lily?"

"It was for the best. Me..." I put my hand on my stomach, "Us leaving then and now, is for the best. I can't stay James."

"Yes you can!"

"No I can't."

"Lily be reasonable! You're pregnant with my child. I want to... I can look after you, both of you."

"You can't make me stay James."

"Yes I bloody well can!" he growled.

"No you can't." I felt my fingers grip around my wand which Sirius had left lying on the sofa. "Please believe me James, it's for the best." I stood up and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Goodbye." I whispered softly before quickly disapparating away, without giving him a chance to react.

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**Authors Note: Like I said when I updated Protection, I am so sorry this has taken forever to update. There is no real reason I can give. Also I'm really sorry this chapter isn't that great but I have tried writing it so many different ways and was never completely satisfied. In the end I decided that I'd made everyone wait long enough.**

**I'm hoping to update Rebound soon. But I will do my best not to leave this one too long before I update again.**

**I know I don't deserve them but I would really apprechiate and comments and feedback, so please review.  
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**Sareface xx  
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